Spice It Up! Married Sex Life on Fire!
Your Sex Life After Kids SURVIVAL Guide
Sure after years of marriage, you’ve pretty much been there, done that. Being with the same person and only that one person romantically tends to get boring over time. Yes, I went there and said it! But it doesn’t have to be! My guess is you’re so used to having sex with each other it’s becoming monotonous. Just another thing on the to-do list, Or maybe you get excited, all hot and bothered and 2 minutes in, you’re thinking, God, how can I get him to finish, I’m so not into this right now. Or maybe he’s rushing through it because it’s become boring doing it the same way time, and time again.
There is hope, I promise. You just have to be a little adventurous and willing to try new things. If you truly want a marriage to work out, part of that is pleasing + exciting one another.
You’re Married; You’re not Dead!
I am a firm believer that if you love each other, or ever have there is still passion waiting to be re-ignited and here are some ways of doing just that!
You might want to grab a glass of wine and cozy up. This is about to get 50 shades of OMG she didn’t…
Ways to Spice up your lackluster sex life
Dress Up for the occasion
- Buy sexy lingerie or role playing outfits if that’s what will work and surprise him
- Shop/Browse lingerie sites together and let him pick it out, or at least get ideas of what he finds sexy…you might end up surprised to see what he truly finds sexy.
- Doll yourself up to go with that new outfit. Provocative Makeup, hair, nails, heels. The whole nine yards! Be his “porn star” after all, you are the only one he gets. 😉
- Studies show that men are more sexually aroused by visual stimulation.
Invite a Toy (no not a friend)
- There are billions of toys out there, some of which you wouldn’t believe me if I tried. The point is, like they say “There’s an app for that”… There’s a toy for that! From very basic and starter toys to push you to the brink extreme!
- There are also a plethora of websites to shop for these toys with absolute discreet shipping and billing. No one will ever know! Afraid the kids or family + friends will come across it? First of all, SO WHAT?! We’re all human. That being said get a special chest with a lock and keep it in your closet, or somewhere they won’t find it.
- Toys are a great way to break the barrier (if there is one) of sexual exploration in marriage. It’s a great starting point.
- The toys are also great for times your spouse isn’t around or isn’t in the mood. 😉
Read a “dirty novel” Romantic/erotic book
- Take turns reading to each other, hearing it read aloud by your spouse will make it feel all the more real, get the imagination going and lead to a great night of sex.
- This is also a fantastic way to feel out what each other’s limitations are and spark exploration in the bedroom.
- Also, perfect for lazy nights when you just don’t want to go the extra mile and put in the foreplay effort.
Talk dirty to me
- Not in the way you think. Although if that’s your thing, GO FOR IT! I mean, have a few drinks to loosen up, and discuss your limitations and curiosities.
You’re Body Bliss / My Body Bliss Nights
- Make a “rule” that tonight is all about you, no matter what I do or say you cannot please me in any way, shape or form. You may look, touch and ask for whatever you want, though. On these nights, one and only one of you will gain pleasure. You will spend it teasing, pleasing and getting to know your spouse’s body.
- Then on another night it’s the other spouse’s turn. Play fair!
- On a similar note, have times where the point is literally to tease to the brink, without giving in.
Watch X-Rated Movies Together!
- For some, this may be a big no, no. I get it, and at one point I felt the same way. You’re uncomfortable with the idea of your spouse looking at other people and “lusting” after them. Maybe part of you feels insecure because they have “hotter” bodies or do something sexual better than you. It’s okay and completely natural to feel this way. But… if you set your ground rules and realize that it’s just visual, they won’t act on it; you’ll be in for a treat with your spouse.
- Just because he or she watches porn does not mean they will cheat. Most of the time it’s just because the visual or audible is needed to self-please.
- Watching together will rev you both up, spark explorations and really open you up to one another. It also helps with building trust; you’re letting the other one know you trust them! I guarantee after watching some you’ll even build confidence.
Make An X-Rated Movie Together!
- For your eyes only! Of course 😉
- Don’t be shy or scared how you will look on camera. Guess what?… Your spouse has already seen your worst angles and still wants you. The camera will not pick up anything they haven’t already seen.
- Afraid it will be cheesy? Or boring? Most of them out there are! It’s exciting because it’s the two of you!
- Not quite on board yet? Let your spouse direct your “pose” and let them take photos instead.
- Send random flirtatious text messages
- Snap some sexy photos and send them! (don’t worry you can crop + edit these first) ha-ha
- “Phone sex” through text… it’s all in the way you word it!
Have more DAY Sex!
- Sure with kids it’s tough, at times the only imaginable time for day sex being even remotely an option is on vacation, but get creative. Seize any moment you can… Nap time? Other adults around? Sneak off for a quickie. Put a darn video monitor on them and go get some, you’ll see + hear if yah gotta stop and run.
- No matter how exciting you make your nightly sex, it will become routine in the fact that it is limited to night time.
Try Different Places + Positions!
- Be adventurous, not so much, so you land yourself on the sex offenders list but branch out… Car, Outdoors, Bathroom, Shower, random places in your home, hotel! The options are limitless.
- Make it a personal goal to make it through the entire Kama Sutra and a challenge to create a new position, not in the book!
Switch off Naps!
- Life is hectic, especially with kids. It is a lot to balance, and is neverending. Give each other breaks, taking turns napping from time to time will help you in the long run, heck even the short term in most instances. Well rested parents are more likely to feel friskay and get it on!
There are many, many ways you can spice up your sex life, but bear in mind, this is for a healthy relationship and is not meant as a Band-Aid. If there are troubles elsewhere in the marriage those need work too.
Make sure to set ground rules, and respect one another. If you’re having trouble imagining where to start or even broach the subject, anywhere is a good start! If you have to, ease into things by subtly showing them something that you “came across” online and present it as an omg, can you believe it… that should at least open the door.
Be sure to check out this post on hidden things killing your marriage and how to fix them before it’s too late here!
Hope this sparked some interest and action! 😉
What is your biggest challenge in keeping a healthy sex life alive in your marriage?
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