5 Things You Should Never Say to a Mom of Two under Two

5 Things You Should Never Say to a Mom of Two under Two

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Written by; Caitlin Kennedy 
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I realize that, to some, it seems crazy to have two children in less than two years. Many women wait until their child is at least two years old to even start trying. For my husband and I, there were many positives to having children close together. Did I think they would be 13 months apart? Not exactly; but I wasn’t really planning (on purpose), and I could not be happier with my perfect family and almost Irish Twins. Unfortunately, some people don’t know how to hold themselves back when it comes to being honest in public places! Here are 5 things that you should never say to a mom of two babies under two.

 

1. “Are they twins?”

Umm… I know they are both small, but if you really looked at my 33 in long toddler sitting upright in the shopping cart holding a cracker and then at my baby snuggled in her car seat asleep, you would probably be able to answer that question for yourself. This question still boggles my mind!

 

2. “Wow you’ve got your hands full!”

Yup, my heart is also twice as full as well, thanks. I realize that taking care of two small children under two years old is a lot of work; but saying it out loud or implying that my children are a hand-full is not exactly what I want to hear as I’m trying to fill my cart up at the same time.

 

3. “Were they planned?”

Now, I don’t mind talking to my closest friends or family about the timing of my pregnancies, but I certainly don’t want to discuss this with a complete stranger. Plus, what if I said, “No, the second one was a complete mistake and I’m still regretting not taking that pill.” Hahah, I would love to see the look on their face. Isn’t the exact timing of every pregnancy kind of a surprise to most? Yes, I planned on having more than one child. That’s what I should say in the future!

 

4. “At least they will be close someday.”

This comment comes out like it’s supposed to be positive, but definitely has a negative spin to it! Obviously I’m ecstatic that my children will have lifelong friends and I get where you’re coming from, but why can’t they be close if they are only a year apart? My son may have been just a baby when his sister was born, but they definitely had an instant connection and at 19 months and 6 months they are already so close.

 

5. “You look so tired.”

This is the kicker. Sometimes I even get, “he or she looks so tired” while looking at my kids. This phrase is not helpful. Or appreciated. Why in the world would I want to hear a stranger tell me that I look tired? Why is it any of your business how I look in the first place?! I may get a lot less sleep than I used to, shower every other day if I’m lucky, and rarely wear clothing other than yoga pants and sneakers, but please don’t tell me how I look! How insulting! My mother is the only one allowed to tell me this!

 

 

If there’s one thing I can tell people that we moms appreciate (especially us stay at home moms to two kids under two years old), it is to hear that we are amazing.

 

Most days I don’t feel amazing, and often I do what I can to keep the kids alive and happy. So I would definitely appreciate someone telling me that my efforts are noted. I don’t expect to be told that my kids are angels, or that I look like a movie star (like that would ever happen!) but please think before you speak.

 

I haven’t heard all of the above statements personally, but I have personally heard from others that they all have occurred! One that I get often (which has nothing to do with two under two) is “Oh, you have a boy and a girl. Now you can be done!” While I appreciate this statement and understand that two children – a boy and a girl, may be perfect for some families, I’m not quite sure we are “done.” And to be honest, it’s no one else’s business but our own!

 

I get that people are just trying to make conversation, and most mean well, but honestly, I am just trying to fill my cart with the diapers and fruit snacks that I need and be on my way. I save my big Target trips for mommy and Starbucks alone time when I am completely ignored. ☺

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Author Bio

Caitlin is a mom to a boy and a girl, just 13 months apart. As a former teacher, she has handed in her lesson plans to stay home with her babies for the time being. She enjoys fitness, food, family, and arts and crafts, and shares her adventures with two under two on her blog. After all, life is better with babies!

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35 thoughts on “5 Things You Should Never Say to a Mom of Two under Two

  1. I get the “you have your hands full” comment often and my littles are three years apart. I never know what to say except, “yep.” And move on. Great points about what not to say!

  2. Oh boy! The things people say!!!! It’s just unreal. Anyway, it’s just crazy because either way, people will always have something to say whether your kids are close, far apart, etc. These are great tips!!

    1. I feel like we should start wearing t-shirts with all the answers to the absurd questions we get on them OR Caitlin’s line about just wanting to fill her cart 😅

  3. Well, I’ve never seen you in person, but I’d say you look like a movie star in your pictures!

    Okay all jokes aside (not a joke that you’re gorgeous; you are, just a joke that that’s all I want to say to the post)…I also had two under two (now one is three, hence the had) and yes those comments are common and annoying! I don’t know how many times my husband and I were asked the twin question and it is BAFFLING, like you said!! I mean, factor in that my older daughter is HUGE for her age, and my younger has caught up a bit on the growth scale now but was quite small for a while…also, and I suppose this could happen with twins but I’m guessing rarely, the younger daughter takes after her daddy i.e. brown skin, brown eyes, dark curly hair, and the older daughter takes more after me, so light skinned, light wavy hair, hazel eyes….they are sisters so they do resemble one another, but twins? NO WAY. I don’t get it. I don’t get it! Seriously, why is that question being asked in this context?!

    Okay sorry I spazzed out a little. But really, why?! And yes, the tired thing too…not very nice.

    Great post. It got this reader quite impassioned..

  4. I had written a post like this on my blog as well. My boys are 14 months apart. I have heard all of these. Like “you must have your hands full” I get “WOW you must be busy”. I always wonder if they mean with the kids or in the bedroom 🙂 lol

  5. I’ve got 4 kids 4 and under. There are 21 months between #s 1 and 2, 14 months between #s 2 and 3, and 10 months between #s 3 and 4. I get asked if they are all mine, if two of them are twins, comments about my hands being full, and of course, the look of horror when they ask the ages, followed by questions about if I know where babies come from.

  6. Great advice. One of my close friends has two kids, 1 under and the other just turned two. I never wanna ask any of the questions above. Besides, I see her joy and how well she manages BUT I see the way people sometimes look at her. They wanna ask some of those questions. They should read this post… lol.

  7. I was writing about rude questions in the grocery store this week too! I try to be really generous in my approach to the questioners, who are probably trying to empathize in their own way. But I love the idea to keep Target for myself and leave the kid at home, so that I can just be ignored like all the rest of the shoppers. 🙂

  8. LOLOL GIRL. this is the story of my life. even though my kids aren’t THAT close in age (3.5 years), i’m a military wife, with boy #3 due in May and I get these questions asked almost daily. I’ll have two under two soon enough, but sometimes I just don’t have any energy to smile through my frustration at whoever is asking me these questions! 🙂

  9. I have heard most of these myself at some point. My first two were close in age, then my second two were close in age, then I had a 5th. I would always get these comments with the two sets, and STILL get the “you have your hands full” comments. lol

  10. Yes to everything! I get this with two under three (or did when they were!) It is always amazing what people say. And I love it when people say, you look tired! It is basically saying you look like crap even though they are trying to be sympathetic! Thanks for a great post!

  11. Cashier: Oh my gosh, SUCH a cute baby!
    Me: Thank you!
    Cashier: So… Is he yours?

    (Don’t have 2 under 2, but it doesn’t stop the weird comments, that’s for sure!)

  12. Everyone should learn that rather than saying “You look so tired” to a mom of toddlers, they should say… “You look like you could use this glass of wine I’m about to hand you.”

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