5 Things You Should Never Say to a Mom of Two under Two
Written by; Caitlin Kennedy
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I realize that, to some, it seems crazy to have two children in less than two years. Many women wait until their child is at least two years old to even start trying. For my husband and I, there were many positives to having children close together. Did I think they would be 13 months apart? Not exactly; but I wasn’t really planning (on purpose), and I could not be happier with my perfect family and almost Irish Twins. Unfortunately, some people don’t know how to hold themselves back when it comes to being honest in public places! Here are 5 things that you should never say to a mom of two babies under two.
1. “Are they twins?”
Umm… I know they are both small, but if you really looked at my 33 in long toddler sitting upright in the shopping cart holding a cracker and then at my baby snuggled in her car seat asleep, you would probably be able to answer that question for yourself. This question still boggles my mind!
2. “Wow you’ve got your hands full!”
Yup, my heart is also twice as full as well, thanks. I realize that taking care of two small children under two years old is a lot of work; but saying it out loud or implying that my children are a hand-full is not exactly what I want to hear as I’m trying to fill my cart up at the same time.
3. “Were they planned?”
Now, I don’t mind talking to my closest friends or family about the timing of my pregnancies, but I certainly don’t want to discuss this with a complete stranger. Plus, what if I said, “No, the second one was a complete mistake and I’m still regretting not taking that pill.” Hahah, I would love to see the look on their face. Isn’t the exact timing of every pregnancy kind of a surprise to most? Yes, I planned on having more than one child. That’s what I should say in the future!
4. “At least they will be close someday.”
This comment comes out like it’s supposed to be positive, but definitely has a negative spin to it! Obviously I’m ecstatic that my children will have lifelong friends and I get where you’re coming from, but why can’t they be close if they are only a year apart? My son may have been just a baby when his sister was born, but they definitely had an instant connection and at 19 months and 6 months they are already so close.
5. “You look so tired.”
This is the kicker. Sometimes I even get, “he or she looks so tired” while looking at my kids. This phrase is not helpful. Or appreciated. Why in the world would I want to hear a stranger tell me that I look tired? Why is it any of your business how I look in the first place?! I may get a lot less sleep than I used to, shower every other day if I’m lucky, and rarely wear clothing other than yoga pants and sneakers, but please don’t tell me how I look! How insulting! My mother is the only one allowed to tell me this!
If there’s one thing I can tell people that we moms appreciate (especially us stay at home moms to two kids under two years old), it is to hear that we are amazing.
Most days I don’t feel amazing, and often I do what I can to keep the kids alive and happy. So I would definitely appreciate someone telling me that my efforts are noted. I don’t expect to be told that my kids are angels, or that I look like a movie star (like that would ever happen!) but please think before you speak.
I haven’t heard all of the above statements personally, but I have personally heard from others that they all have occurred! One that I get often (which has nothing to do with two under two) is “Oh, you have a boy and a girl. Now you can be done!” While I appreciate this statement and understand that two children – a boy and a girl, may be perfect for some families, I’m not quite sure we are “done.” And to be honest, it’s no one else’s business but our own!
I get that people are just trying to make conversation, and most mean well, but honestly, I am just trying to fill my cart with the diapers and fruit snacks that I need and be on my way. I save my big Target trips for mommy and Starbucks alone time when I am completely ignored. ☺
Caitlin is a mom to a boy and a girl, just 13 months apart. As a former teacher, she has handed in her lesson plans to stay home with her babies for the time being. She enjoys fitness, food, family, and arts and crafts, and shares her adventures with two under two on her blog. After all, life is better with babies!