Top 6 Opinions I Got Sick Of Hearing As a Young Newlywed Couple
I received so many negative comments about getting married at 23. These were some opinions my wife and I agreed had validation, but were equally absurd.
1. “You guys shouldn’t have lived together until you were married.”
This one makes no financial sense. Marriage is a spiritual and special bond. But it’s also a financial and legal bond. A business deal of sorts. I would never enter a deal of this magnitude without assessing the risks.
My wife and I lived together before we were married. And I’ll tell you what, it was one of the smartest financial decisions I’ve made. We had our own apartments in college. But when we decided to move in together, we thought it just made sense.
We were always around each other. It would be less time apart, and we agreed to split all our bills in half to save money. I got to witness her money management skills first hand. We did it together. Habits we use still today.
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2. “One of you will cheat. Probably him. But you haven’t even lived your 20s.”
This one came more from people over 35. These types assume the decade of one’s twenties was some pass for immaturity. Permission to make irrational decisions on purpose. Lacking common sense only acquired if you live another year. There should be some overwhelming epiphany when you turn 30. Well, happy birthday, but it’s not that simple.
Some of us know exactly what or who we want. Now, that’s simplistic.
What’s hurtful is this stigma of men not remaining monogamous. Men need to hold themselves to better standards. Sometimes, we low ball ourselves because of ignorance or low self-esteem. Don’t lose your soulmate because you have some living to do in your 20s.
3. “You can only have friends who are married.”
This reminds me of the biblical saying, “You are the company you keep.” This refers to surrounding yourself with people you want to be like. So, be careful. You need to surround yourself with people who add value to your life and relationship (because our marriage has a life its own that has to be nourished and natured).
We took heed to this one even if we grew tired of hearing it. Many 20 something year olds make it their weekend’s mission to be hammered. My wife and I attended a large state university famous for its bashes. Cornered on all sides by liquor and late nights/early mornings.
But you will find those friends who are single and are inspired by young, smart love. We did.
4. “She must be pregnant.”
There are way too many reasons to get married besides pregnancy. I would rather hear someone tell me I didn’t understand love compared to this. And women have it worse. Her girlfriend, or worse, her mother, pulls her to the side.
“You can really tell me. Are you pregnant?”.
For the life of me, I will never understand that concept. A man would ask a woman to marry him because of children. Marriage might be a contract. But alone, it’s not entrusted with the values of perseverance and equality. So, if that the only glue you have, it will erode.
No, she’s not pregnant. And yes, my daughter will be and was planned.
5. “Your parents must still take care of you.”
I’ve held a job since I was 13 years old. And my wife has worked since high school. We know about earning a wage and we both value hard work.
We didn’t live in poverty, but we weren’t born with silver spoons in our mouths. We borrowed for college and worked while we attended the university. Our parents did teach us solid skills about life. But it was our responsibility to apply them to our lives.
And we have.
6. “You eloped.”
We did get married at a courthouse. It was not a glamorous wedding. But as I said, we supported ourselves financially. We planned it and had to arrange for a date with the judge. Our parents weren’t there, but we had an engagement party in our hometown a few months earlier.
They were fully aware of our engagement and marriage. Just due to distance, our parents didn’t attend our ceremony. But we had the support of friends. And our families were there in spirit.
Everyone will have an opinion about your union. Divorce is on the rise. But you have a strong, unbreakable bond. Don’t let the naysayers discourage you. Find that supportive circle and only expand it if, and only if, it adds value to your relationship.
My wife and I are almost 5 years deep in marriage with much more to come.
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