The Top 2 Things KILLING Your MARRIAGE
and it’s not what you think!
Marriage isn’t easy. Sure, you married for all the right reasons. You were madly in love, couldn’t picture a life without one another. Talked about your future together and everything was sounding too good to be true! Am I right? Those cutesy newlywed conversations all about how what’s yours is mine and whats mine is yours. Together we can do anything, as long as I have you!
I’m not going to tell you what you may be thinking I will. I will not chop that up to newlywed blindness, young and nieve, or tell you; you were so wrong!
Because that would be a bold face LIE!
Sure marriage gets rocky. At times you will doubt whether you should have ever married your spouse, other times you’ll flat out feel hatred towards them and plan your escape! And I mean for real, for real. You will plan every aspect of leaving them, leaving no stone unturned.
I plead with you, DON’T act yet. Hear me out, read this article and then take some time to truly take a retrospective look at your relationship from start to finish with everything I will talk about here and see where you stand then.
Are you ready to hear the TWO biggest reasons your marriage is failing?! Here we go…
#1 You Don’t Impress Me Much!
(totally took Shania Twain’s lyric in a new direction here)
At some point in every marriage, we stop “trying” to impress one another. This happens for a multitude of reasons ranging from, “I’ve already got you, I don’t have to impress you anymore” to the toll our everyday lives take on us. You get tired, busy, run down, stressed out and in ruts! It happens to the best of us.
The problem is, when we stop trying to impress each other, eventually, we leave the other un-impressed. I am in no way saying you have to elude that you’re someone you’re not, and act any different than YOU actually do. Your spouse fell in love with the real you, down to the core, you. What I am trying to get across is it never gets old when you do things to impress one another.
At a very basic level, doing these things are just ways to make your spouse feel loved, genuinely cared for and yes, still oh so very attracted to. Let me break it down with examples.
Ways to “Impress” your spouse
Dress to impress-
- You don’t have to doll yourself up every day or man-scape on a daily basis but, every now and then, Ladies, put your makeup on, an outfit he would adore you in and do your hair. Men, shave your 5 o’clock shadow, trim and wear something she bought for you. AND GO NOWHERE! Do it for the sole purpose that you’re going to see your spouse!
- Ladies, slip into something sexy from time to time. Surprise him with it. Purchase some sexy lingerie, do your makeup provocatively, style your hair, and put those heels on! Don’t let him know what you have planned, just send some teaser texts, and some scandalous photos if you’re daring enough throughout the day, so he’s well in the mood. Plus it’ll make you get excited as well. Then casually (at whatever moment feels right) “go to the bathroom” and come out stunning him! Better yet, if you don’t have to wait until the kids are asleep (as we do) Get primped and be ready waiting for him somewhere in your house. You can also send him to the store to get something giving you enough time to get ready before he comes back. (To keep him in the mood, send him for drinks, or something that won’t annoy him).
- Did you get home from work first? Or for stay at home parents (such as myself) Do you know they have had a stressful day? Tidy-up, plan + prepare their favorite meal and time it for their arrival. Also, let them kick back and relax to wash away the day. Even if it means you will have yet another day worrying about everyone else but yourself until you hit the bed… doing this every now and then will make a HUGE impact on your relationship. Show you care, over yourself. Make it a habit for both of you to do this for one another.
- Ever see something and immediately think of your spouse? Whether it be romantic, funny, or just something they’d enjoy. Grab it! Surprise them with it. A little for no reason, just thought of you when I saw it, gift. Don’t have the money to spend? Easy, snap a photo of it and show them, and tell them, this made me think of you today.
Between the Sheets Impress
- Back to the bedroom for a moment. Be adventurous! Try new things! If you’re sitting here right now saying to yourself, “I wouldn’t even know where to start” or “I’m not really into anything too risk-ay” then hear me out… You never know until you try it, and you can always decide, that’s not really for me. Be glad you explored, and leave it at that. I have a great post that gets down + dirty (in a non-sleazy way) on how to spice up your married sex life! The ideas will blow your mind! Right Here!
#2 You’re Not Communicating! You’ve lost your friendship.
You forget to communicate, and I don’t mean the mushy gushy therapist driven “so how does that make you feel” communication either… I’m talking about just letting go of the day and talking..not about feelings, not about your day, not about past pains or future scares… Simply just talking.. like friends do, like you did when you first met!
You may have killed your friendship, the very foundation in your marriage.
Life and its constant chaos have a way of draining the friendship right out of your marriage. You still love each other, whether at this point you still realize that or not, you have simply just gotten out of touch. Lost your friendship. Daily life has become so busy, so chaotic, so messy, that you are both essentially running on auto pilot with a defense mechanism fueled by high-intensity irritability driven by all the doubts and stress you don’t have the time and energy to deal with.
Do you remember “way back when” in the getting to know you better stage of your relationship, the at great length conversations you used to have? I can guarantee your thoughts and opinions would vary greatly with the past you. There was something about those discussions that led you to feel so connected to one another and so intrigued, so in love. Why not re-live those moments now? And continue to do so. Honest as can be, my husband and I still have those talks. You won’t always have the same opinions or beliefs, but you will be able to dig deeper into who your spouse is and where they are at mentally all while growing closer and feeling young again! Here are some great topics, conversations starters and “games” to use to get started…
Get your friendship back
- Never Have I Ever…
- Never Would I Ever…
- Religious/spiritual beliefs
- Do you believe there is a GOD?
- How do you think we became to be?
- What parts of your “belief system” do you struggle believing in, and why?
- Get Philosophical
- Reignite the inner teenager that tried so hard to figure the world out, and discuss the differences between what you felt then vs. now.
- Hot topics + News Feed
- Current events
- Controversial topics
- If you could pick an era or generation/time to be born in…What would you choose and why?
- Worst case scenarios: Life support? Burial? Funeral? Cremation? Etc.
- A little morbid, but let’s face it, we are the ones to make these decisions for the other when the time comes.
These are some of the things that hold our SIC Marriage together. Our marriage is far from perfect, no ones ever is. That, my friend, is the beauty of devoting yourself to one person for the rest of your life. There will be up’s and down’s, love and grace, hair pulling and nail biting and everything in between. None-the-less, there will be two people with an everloving bond and passion willing to work past the difficult times throughout the marriage. Marriage only fails when you stop working at it!
“To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow—this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.” –Elizabeth Gilbert, Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage
What are some things you do to keep your marriage strong? Comment below.
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